Who Is Lisa Marcia? - 5 Years Married

Five years sure does fly by. I think about all the time my husband and I spent dating. This year's anniversary was spent throwing Jack's 1-year old birthday party. What a great memory to think back 5 years from that date at the same time we threw Jack's party and think we were saying our vows on a beautiful day in Southern California. So much has changed from that moment. Some good, some bad, lots of responsibility and stress and laughter and tears. Lots of change! What a journey. People who celebrate 20, 30, and 50 amaze me! I cannot wait to see what stories arise in that amount of time.

Even though we dated for a long time in most people's standards, we were 18 when we met. Young, right out of high school...we had our lives ahead of us. Neither of us looking to date someone. We met at my old church where my Dad was a pastor and instantly connected after Steven ordered an "extra" strong coffee from the little coffee shack I worked at on our church's campus. After the initial shock that he was a musician I said I'd never date because "all musicians I know are flaky" we went on a date, and then another and then another. He wasn't the stereotypical musician I'd met before. I think the thing I remember most was that our conversation never got old. We could talk for hours. I still love that about our relationship.

The Couple We Were
A lot of outside factors contributed to stress in our relationship. Constant travel schedules, school, other relationship opinions, and a variety of other things led us to learn how to cling to one another. I know we learned YEARS of marriage therapy sessions in those dating years. While some of the joy in dating was taken from us, I also feel like God saw that and substituted it with a solid foundation of learning and question asking that prompted a deeper, more serious relationship between the two of us early on. While our career aspirations were on two very different, independent roads, we grew together and sacrificed, each a little on either side, creating room for US rather than I. Not saying we compromised our dreams for our individual lives, but I truly believe that there comes a point in a relationship where you have to choose. I don't think you're a bad person if you choose the I. I think I'd applaud the honesty. Instead, we both knew US was worth fighting for. It's a strange and special place you get to. I'm glad we both got to it.

Years 2 & 3
I'd like to say all seasons in life are easy. But, you'd know that would be a lie. Something we've always encountered is the outside influences of life and people can many times start to erode the unity you've formed in your marriage. It could be a job, a business relationship, a financial decision, or countless other things. In years 2 & 3, my job took over my life. The sad part was, I didn't even like my job. It was an oppressive workplace that I knew the devil had his hand in daily. Unfortunately, that took a toll on US because I was so unhappy. I'd bring home all the abuse that I received daily and download because I had no outlet. I tried working out, running a 1/2 marathon, finding a hobby. None of it focused my mind away enough to help me through the struggle. 

Steven came to a place where he knew he couldn't "fix it," like most men want to do. So he got frustrated. This divided us as a couple; not to where we fought, but we just didn't connect. Interestingly enough, we made more money than any other time in our lives, but were not happy. We both were searching for the next phase of life that God had for us because I knew this wasn't it. In my struggles I learned again, YEARS worth of "counseling session nuggets of wisdom." As soon as I stopped struggling and figured out WHAT I was continually going around the mountain for, God spoke to us about our move to GA. It wasn't planned. Our hearts weren't in GA. We'd just bought a house. We had family near us. Yet, we were moving. Oddly, it was exciting and motivating as well as scary.  If you haven't heard the story, you can read it here.

The Couple We Are Today
I had to come back and write this section to really think about who we are today. It's such a strange thing to contemplate your own being and who you think you are. Today, I love being at home with Jackson and helping people better their businesses. It's a passion of mine that I find to be refreshing that I can take something and improve it and mold it all while getting paid. Plus I love my boss! ;) As a wife I find that with Steven off the road for this season in life it's given me more responsibility, yet greater satisfaction in who we are. My love language is Quality Time and nothing beats going to sleep together after years of traveling left me flying solo to most social events and daily life. I never hated him leaving, in fact you get use to it in a sense, but it's nice to have him home. With being full-time in a staff position I think Steven has been able to use skills he hadn't yet tapped into professionally and I see a different motivation than the previous 5 years. 

Being parents also changes your perspective and so much of our together time involves Jack; whether in conversation, belly tickles, or water fights in the bochas. Sleep schedules have indeed changed from Year 1! Oddly, you do get use to it on some level. While our independent spirits still exist, we continue to grow together and challenge mindsets; like iron sharpening iron. Marriage I've found is like a dance. Sometimes you step on each others toes, other times you flow gracefully, sometimes your timing is off, other times you might not even want to dance, but the one thing that remains is that you're with one another, regardless of what ever else is going on in that season of life. I think that's what I love most. 

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